I tried to not eat more. Because I had just finished breakfast. Everything was fine. Or so I thought.
I had eaten what I wanted, how much I wanted. No cravings. No guilt.
But then there’s this moment. Subtle. Quiet. And terrifying. My spoon dips into the 1kg bowl of Greek yoghurt again. And again. And again.
Not because I’m hungry. Not because I want more. But because something inside me needs to stay busy. Numb. Disconnected.
Usually, I wake up when it’s empty. Then I grab something else.
But this time, it was different.
This time, I realized what was happening – while it was happening. I didn’t freeze completely. I felt it. The quiet knowing that something horrific had happened to me – and that I had used food to survive it. Over and over and over.
And now – something had changed. Not because I’m healed. But because I had built just enough capacity to stay with myself. To not shame the part of me that eats.
To simply say:
“Don’t worry. I won’t say anything cruel to you. I understand why you’re doing this.”
What food addiction really is – and what it’s not
Most people think food addiction is about lack of discipline. Or poor choices. Or emotional weakness.
I thought that too.
But it never worked.
Because the eating isn’t the problem. It’s the solution.
Food helps you regulate what your environment made unbearable.
And no behavior chart can fix that.
If you would like to know more about it, we have written a brief guide about it called: How to Stop Overeating When You’re Not Hungry: A Brief Guide
What your nervous system does – and why it makes sense
Your nervous system is like a safety control center. It looks for cues of safety or danger – constantly.
You’re in a hotel room about to join a video call? You feel off. You’re walking through a train station and someone’s behind you too long? You notice.
That’s not paranoia. That’s survival. And when your body senses safety – it relaxes.
But what if you’re not travelling? What if everything seems normal, but you still feel tense?
Maybe it’s the noise you’ve gotten used to – a coworker, a partner, a parent making subtle remarks about your clothes, your tone, your work.
You try to swallow it and tell yourself: I’m too sensitive. You try to adapt.
That’s what I did.
I kept saying: It’s nothing. Why bother? Just toughen up. But it didn’t work.
Because my nervous system knew:
Being mocked, ignored, micromanaged or manipulated is not something you get more resilient to. It’s something you have to name. And leave. Or heal.
Why self-connection is the missing link in most recovery paths
Most recovery advice focuses on controlling your behavior.
Eat this. Avoid that. Track your meals. Regulate your impulses. Try again tomorrow.
But here’s the truth: You try to control something that has nothing to do with the real problem.
The problem isn’t the eating. The eating is the solution.
So what’s the real problem?
In my case, it was this:
- Staying in situations I didn’t want to stay in
- Saying yes to things that felt wrong
- Smiling when I wanted to scream
- Swallowing things that crossed every line
- Trying to fit in where I didn’t belong
- Not shouting when I was being harmed
And worst of all: Not realizing it was happening. Over and over again.
That’s not failure. That’s self-abandonment. Making yourself small so you won’t be left. Making yourself quiet so you won’t be alone.
How to begin – even if you feel far away from yourself
So where do you start – when you know all this, but still feel like a stranger to yourself?
There’s no one way to come back. But there is one thing that helps:
Don’t try to fix it. Try to stay with it.
You don’t need a plan. And you don’t need to get it right. You don’t even need to stop eating – if eating is what’s keeping you together right now.
But maybe you can do one small thing:
Notice what you feel when the food calls you. Not why. Not how long. Just: what’s there?
And when it feels like too much – when the panic rises, or the numbness sets in, when you want to disappear again into the food – try to say one quiet thing to yourself:
“You’re not wrong for needing this. But I’m here now. And I’ll try to stay with you.”
It’s not dramatic. It’s not magic. But it’s a beginning.
What changes when you reconnect
Self-connection isn’t something you find in one big moment. It’s something you build – slowly, gently, by not leaving yourself again.
Why? Because we’re so used to treating ourselves badly, we don’t even notice.
You know the saying: If we talked to our friends the way we talk to ourselves – we wouldn’t have any.
We measure our worth by how little we eat, how “good” we behave, how much we suppress.
But we rarely treat ourselves like someone in pain – someone who deserves care.
Instead, we punish. We belittle. We never say: “You’re doing your best – and that counts.”
And the truth is: It doesn’t work. Because food addiction is not about food.
So what does?
Maybe this: Let’s try the opposite.
Let’s treat ourselves like someone we love. Let’s begin to stay with ourselves – not against ourselves.
There’s a word for that.
Self-connection.
What could you do next? Read more from the Stop Overeating Series …
Why Can’t I Stick to a Diet? Hint: It’s Not About Willpower
Why do I eat when I’m not hungry?
Why feeling helpless makes you reach for food and what to do
