Of course, my stress eating wasn’t gone just because I managed to lose the weight I had carried on as a teenager.
And you probably know that one too 😉
It took weeks of strict discipline – just pumpernickel with slices of cucumber, and only eating half of what I normally would. And it showed.
So much so that the father of a classmate even commented on it. And I was proud. Proud of myself. Proud that I had made it through and was now finally “rewarded” for my willpower.
Until one afternoon … I came home from school – final year before graduation – and I wanted to eat something healthy.
Something light. Something disciplined. But I couldn’t. I raided the fridge. Full-fat quark, syrup, cold sausage, camembert, yogurt, leftovers, smoked meat – whatever I could find.
And I ate. Randomly. Until I was so full it hurt.
And I couldn’t bear it.
That was the beginning of a long, painful journey.
What if it’s not about food at all when stress eating hits us?
It took me years to understand that this wasn’t about my size. Or about food. Or about why I couldn’t “just eat normally.” Because I could eat normally – as long as I didn’t eat abnormally.
But something had been missing from the beginning.
I grew up in an environment where my brain never got what it needed. It wasn’t allowed to explore, to try things, to play through emotions in a safe way.
That basic inner structure – it just wasn’t there.
And in a world like that, food becomes the most accessible drug. It’s legal. It’s available.
It’s socially accepted.
But also: it’s one of the first things we experience in life. We eat to survive. And we eat to feel good.
So what happens when that flips? What would have to be in place for it not to flip? We learn to cope on our own.
Or as Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry put it: What happened to you? Find out more in this YouTube episode.
What is somatic problem solving and why does it work when nothing else does?
When we talk about stopping overeating, most people still assume it’s about making better food choices. But if that worked, we’d all be done by now.
The truth is: most of us don’t need another strategy. We need a way out of the freeze. Somatic problem solving is not a technique.
It’s a shift in how we relate to our inner experience.
It’s what happens when we stop asking “How do I stop eating?” and start asking “What is my body trying to say?”
Bingeing isn’t random. It’s a response to something we haven’t yet learned how to name – or hold. And somatic work gives us exactly that: the capacity to stay with ourselves when it gets intense.
In my own work – and in moments where I’ve needed this support – it often starts with a phrase like: “I’m on the edge.”
This isn’t just a metaphor.
It’s a real, biological tipping point where the nervous system says: too much, too fast, I can’t keep this together.
If you’re interested in finding out more, see this article on the interlink between food addiction and self connection.
What is freeze – and why do we experience it?
Freeze is not weakness. It’s biology. It happens when your nervous system can’t decide whether to fight or flee – so it shuts down. Not because you’re broken. But because, at some point, it was the safest option available.
Freeze can look like this:
- You feel stuck – unable to decide.
- You can’t speak – even though something inside wants to scream.
- You lose your appetite – or suddenly can’t stop eating.
- You feel numb, disconnected, tired – or weirdly calm in the middle of chaos.
It’s not a mindset issue. It’s a nervous system response. Your body is trying to protect you from overwhelm – by going still.
The problem isn’t the freeze itself. The problem is when we stay there too long – without realizing it.
That’s when food enters the scene.
Because food can bring you back – for a moment. It gives you something to feel. Something to do. Something that says: I’m still here.
That’s why we reach for food – not because we’re out of control, but because we’re out of options.
The screwdriver problem – why it’s not your fault
Think of it like this: if you try to fix a screw with the wrong-sized screwdriver, it’s not that the screw is broken.
It’s just that the tool doesn’t fit. The screw won’t move until you find the right tool.
It’s not complicated – but it requires a shift in how we approach the problem.
What does somatic problem solving look like – in real life?
Let me give you a real example. There was a moment where I texted: “I’m on the edge. I can feel it. If I don’t shift something now, I will eat.”
Not because I was hungry. Not because I didn’t know better.
But because the pressure had built up to a point where my system couldn’t hold it anymore.
And that’s the moment where most people feel like they’ve failed. But it’s actually the moment of greatest clarity. Because if you can catch it there – even once – you start to see the pattern.
You realize: I don’t want to eat. I want to breathe. I want to stop feeling like I have to hold it all alone.
Why this changes everything – even if the food is still there
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s pattern recognition. When you know the exact moment when your body shifts from presence to panic – you no longer need to panic about the food. And the stress eating naturally calmes down.
You start learning: “This is what helplessness feels like in my body.”
And from there, you build response capacity.
So how do you start?
Not by making rules. But by making room. Room to feel – not to perform.
Room to say, “This is hard for me” – and not fix it right away.
It starts with noticing. Then naming.
Then one tiny movement that signals to your system: “I’m with you.”
- Putting a hand on your chest and breathing
- Saying out loud what you’re feeling – even if no one’s listening
- Letting someone witness you without trying to save you
- Or simply not reaching for food the first second the urge appears
Not because it’s wrong to eat. But because sometimes your body is asking for something else. And this time, you get to answer.
Related Reads from the Emotional Eating Series
These articles help you explore what’s really behind the urge to eat – and how to work with your body, not against it.
- Why Do I Always Lose Control Around Food? – Understand the deeper reason behind the spiral – it’s not about willpower.
- I Just Want to Eat. What Now? How to Respond to the Urge to Eat – What science (and your nervous system) tell us about the urge to eat under pressure.
- How to Stop Comfort Eating – Without Losing Yourself – Gentle ways to regulate emotions without suppressing them.
